Recently, I’ve experienced conflict with different people in my life. In the past, when I have experienced conflict, I’ve held grudges and looked for all the ways that proved I was right, and I used to surround myself only with people that agreed with me.
This time around (and I seldom experience conflict because I have a tendency to avoid confrontation – an issue in and of itself) I took the time to reflect. What resulted was a series of ego-shattering realizations that allowed me to have true clarity.
I was wrong.
It’s easy to get caught up in emotions during conflict. What you feel can have a heavy impact on how you perceive a situation, which is why it’s so difficult to get to the root of problems sometimes.
The Crash Course Philosophy series on Youtube has undoubtedly been one of the best resources I’ve come across when it comes to critical thinking and seeking truth. The course walks you through some very tough topics in an environment where you’re forced to set all of your biases aside. This series helped me reach a few truths in my life while I was watching the videos, but it also taught me how to ask the questions that lead a person closer to the truth.
The problem with being “right” or being “certain” is that we really can’t be certain of anything. When we are certain about something, the progress of that thing must end because there is no reason to doubt a certainty. In other words, we can never progress if we never question what we already believe to be true. Because of that, progress must always be made in a state of uncertainty. Because of that, every belief we hold in our heads must be ingrained with a bit of uncertainty, because uncertainty is the key to truth.
So what did that mean for me?
It means I had to take a good, hard look at myself. It means I had to re-evaluate my actions, my values, my perception of reality, and it meant I had to swallow my pride and apologize. The result was a sense of undeniable calm, a sober view of life, and a motivation to better myself rather than shift blame. I spent less energy focusing on who was right and who was wrong and who should apologize to who, and I channeled my energy towards studying more, improving my mental and physical health, and becoming a more virtuous person. And I think it was the best decision I’ve made in a long time.
Lubna Mirza 